and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant..

..and whatever a sun will always sing is you

I carry your heart with me (I carry it in my heart)I am never without it (anywhere
I go you go,my dear; and whatever is done by only me is your doing,my darling)
I fear no fate (for you are my fate,my sweet)I want no world (for beautiful you are my world,my true)
and it's you are whatever a moon has always meant and whatever a sun will always sing is you

here is the deepest secret nobody knows
(here is the root of the root and the bud of the bud and the sky of the sky of a tree called life; which grows
higher than the soul can hope or mind can hide)
and this is the wonder that's keeping the stars apart

I carry your heart (I carry it in my heart)

Wedding planning was like a second job - so after work at the hospital, I would come home and juggle reading up for the next day's work with planning and co-ordinating the wedding. We had a good distribution of labour taking account our locations, with myself in Singapore and Daniel in Zurich: I did most of the planning, and Daniel did most of the legwork, although we did have to make Skype calls at punishing hours, seeing as to the time difference between where we were.

Because the wedding was really small, we did not have a large group of bridesmaids and groomsmen. I had a maid-of-honour, Liyana, and Daniel had a best man, Shank, and his wonderful friend Marco who was really kind to him when he tore his ACL, and that was about the size of the bridal party. 

I loved that it was so intimate, Shank and Liyana have seen both of us through many life events and our relationship, but it also meant that work was shared within a very small group. 

Right up to the night before the wedding, all four of us were running around trying to get things done - liaising with the transport, last-minute changes in itinerary, making the napkin holders (fresh rosemary and wire), putting together the programme booklets.. etc. etc.

By the time we were done with all of these, it was 11pm the night before the wedding.. that's also when we realised we hadn't memorized the poem we were to recite in turns, our individual prayers, and that I was meant to teach Daniel to sing his song for the next day.. we did not even have the lyrics, so we were re-playing the YouTube video on loop, trying to figure it out.

While everyone went to bed, excited for the next day, Daniel and I were at the hotel (I had an awesome bed with hospital-like controls, allowing us to raise the head/legs/both - so fun to play with!), testing each other, teaching each other, and laughing at each other. There was certainly a lot of laughing (I smile now just thinking about it!) and it was majorly fun :)

As can be expected, memorizing 4 things at that hour was not very effective, although I am glad we tried, and it made for a great memory. It was a sweet memory of the last moment of singlehood. ♥ 

I remember Daniel leaving at 1am, and I remember feeling sorry that he still had to cycle all the way home, while I was already in bed, although truth be told I was so excited that night I couldn't really sleep anyway. 

 This E.E. Cumming's poem was the first of our recitations. 

I carry your heart with me.. 

(I carry it in my heart)

..we had to ask for a programme booklet so we could actually recite it, but that was ok. In my mind, the wedding had begun, and I couldn't be happier ♥ 

The Private Ceremony

The view on the way to our beautiful ceremony 

After the civil registration ended in the Stadthaus, it was time to make our way to Rapperswil, a quaint little town along the east side of Lake Zurich, for our private ceremony. A bus was chartered for the guests while Mirriam's godparents drove us to the venue. Perhaps it was excitement of the wedding day, or the anxiety from having to memorise our wedding prayer, but it was almost 5pm and I had forgotten to have both breakfast and lunch..

Liyana hard at work

We reached the wedding venue in Rapperswil ahead of our guests and I was so hungry that I helped myself to the Apéro first. It was going to be about another two hours before dinner would be served. When the guests finally arrived, Liyana (the maid-of-honour and sole bridesmaid), between the munchies, went around taking Polaroid pictures of our guests which were subsequently used to decorate the guest book. It was also around this time when Mirriam decided, for reasons I was only going to find out later, to scurry in circles around wedding venue. Thinking that it could be the pre-ceremony jitters, I decided that it was probably a good idea to stay close. It would appear that she eventually gave up scampering around the Schloss and we decided to go through again the wedding prayers that we had intended to commit to memory.

Mirriam composing herself

The private ceremony started with Mirriam performing her rendition of Elvis' "Love Me Tender". The song was not part of our agreed programme and so I found out that she had been avoiding me earlier because she had wanted to warm up her vocal cords for the surprise song. As usual, she sang beautifully, despite the fact that I foiled her warm up plans.

The handsome-as-a-movie star groom, sans spectacles!

..but then I couldn't see my prayer, and so the spectacles came back on

When she finally marched over to the front, I was not able to see her too clearly because my own vanity had compelled me to put away my glasses. Unfortunately, it turned out that we weren't able to recall the wedding prayer that we were supposed to have memorised, and I had to put on my glasses anyway as we read from the printout.

My Walk Down The Aisle

Getting their priorities right on the other end of the aisle ;)

Walking with my daddy  ♥

Daniel and I had a little ceremony in a herb garden facing church bells, which we call our spiritual ceremony. It was the part of the wedding I was looking forward to the most.

Four trees provided a beautiful canopy, and marked the boundaries of the ceremonial grounds where we seated our guests. Our aisle was the pebbled path of the garden, and our flowers were the natural blossoms. The sun was out, the skies were blue, the air was cool, and the birds were singing. It was so perfect, so beautiful.

Daniel loves my voice, I think mostly because he loves me. Sometimes, out of the blue, I will get a text from him complimenting its beauty, even when he hasn't heard it at all that day. I find it very sweet of him, and also very amusing, to be thinking of my voice, and it is always a nice surprise to get such a message from the man I love.

As a gift to him, I wanted to surprise him with a song before I walked down the aisle. I chose the ballad, 'Love Me Tender', because it was romantic and pure, and expressed raw, vulnerable emotion. It was simple and unembellished, and I felt that was what love needed to be - simple, and unembellished.

Between the civil ceremony and our spiritual one, we had a little apero for our guests to refresh themselves and fill their stomachs. I was hoping then to be able to warm up my voice, and practice a little, so it would be perfect for him.. and I tried to sneak away. Quite unexpectedly, I found him following me around. He was so adorable though, heart-meltingly so, so in the end, I decided that it was more important that we were relaxed and happy together, than to stress out over making the song perfect and missing out on spending these funny, happy, romantic moments together.

When it came time to walk down the aisle, I closed my eyes, and took a deep breath to compose myself. I called on God to make everything just right. And then I trusted, and sang. ♥ 

"..Love me tender, 
   Love me true, 
   All my dreams fulfilled.
  For my darling I love you,
  And I always will.."

I remember feeling a wash of calmness after singing it, the same feeling I get when I have prayed with all my heart. I liked that it was directed at Daniel, but it did also have an effect on me. It reminded me of the Baha'i prayer for husbands, which starts curiously with a stanza for the wife, and reminded me how our actions for someone else have such a big impact on our own selves.

When I was done, I remember my dad saying to me "Well done.", and smiling. That meant a lot to me. Then he took my hand, the music softly playing, and we began our walk down the aisle.

The stony path was difficult to walk on, and I struggled to keep my balance without stepping on my dress as my heels pierced through the chips of stone. I remember having to hold quite tightly on to my dad's arm.

When I think of it now, it was such an interesting mix of feelings.. the terrifying feeling of falling into the stone and tripping on my train, the uneasiness of being photographed and wondering how to smile (a very awkward feeling), the melody of my wedding march music and its beautiful lyrics - this same song I had played over and over again while awaiting this momentous day - now playing for the moment itself,  the ecstasy of marrying the man of my dreams and the incredulousness of this being a reality, the love and smiling faces that surrounded us, and the peace that encompassed all these feelings, as if all my emotions belonged to a home of joy and peace.

Daniel and I have many magical moments, but I would say this was one of exceptional magic. I was so happy when I finally reached him. ♥

A Tribute to My Dad

My gorgeous parents.

“He was not being courageous as he bore the freezing stream for his wife and children. He simply chose between the lesser of two evils—the pain and suffering he would endure in the river, a physical pain that he could stand to bear, or the pain and suffering he would feel if he had to watch his family wade across and freeze. It was not a decision. The choice had already been made the moment Ole proposed marriage to his wife and welcomed these beautiful daughters into the world.” 
- Sage Steadman, Upon Destiny's Song 

My parents make a good team, partially because they are different in their outlooks and in their gifts to us.

Mom focused on building my inner strength - she was the strongest advocate for living a prayerful and spiritual life, living with love and detachment, realizing my own capacities, and encouraging potentialities into realities.

Dad focused on the outer life, the challenges of living with integrity in a difficult world, understanding different viewpoints, and our place in this world at large.

When we think of people living in the real world, we think of skepticism and practicalities. What I really admire about my dad though, is that though he is aware of the world around us, he finds real ways of bringing theoretical morality into practice. These range from the little acts of charity that he does with such silence (sometimes even I find out only by accident), to a trust fund he set up with his alma mater.

More than that, my Dad taught me to value myself - to judge myself against my own standards, and not that of the people around me. He taught me to live with integrity, and not be pussied into being a people pleaser. He also taught me to stand up for myself - I would say a large part of my sense of justice, for myself and for others, is derived from my dad. I do recall that defining moment, as a shy, misunderstood 14 year old going through teenage teething troubles, when dad sat me down and told me it didn't matter what other people think, I must not compromise my sense of self. He taught me to straddle the heaven of noble ideals with the earth of this physical world.

“...alas, raising a young lady is a mystery even beyond an enchanter's skill.”  
- Lloyd Alexander

Those were powerful lessons I learnt from Dad, ones that have stuck by me and contribute strongly to who I am today, especially in a time when women are undervalued and under-appreciated. He has also set the bar high for my husband, whom I proudly say, steps up to it with chivalry. Well done husband! And, I love you, Dad.

A Tribute to Daniel's Dad

When I first met Daniel's dad, I was taken by how charming he was, and I saw immediately where Daniel gets his easy charm and cheeky smile from. His dad has always been kind to me, but the most precious thing is the advice he gave Daniel about choosing a wife - make sure she is kind.

When I was growing up, my mother often reminded me that in marriage, one marries not just the person, but the family. I agree with this concept broadly, but I like to believe that it is the impact or influence of our families on ourselves, and our actions following this interaction, that is more important, especially in contemporary times.  In my curiosity to understand both his family and it's impact on him, I would ask him incessantly: about his childhood, the roles his parents played, what he learnt from them, and, very importantly, what they taught him about marriage. Consistently, they stressed the importance of kindness. Just make sure she is a kind person, I am told they would advise him. That, apparently, was the only criteria. 

I appreciate that Daniel values virtue - it gives me a sense of security, knowing that what we seek is a reflection of who we are or who we hope to become. In my experience with him, I would say when put between a rock and a hard place, his decision is always a principled one.

Most of all though, his appraisal of me both humbles and encourages me - that he is able to consistently see such goodness in me. It affirms these qualities in me, in a harsh world where people are always judging, criticizing and diminishing its presence and value. His testimony stands out against their harshness, and helps me through tough times, because he is the person who knows me better than any one else. It intrigues me too, how he must be looking at the world through the lens of kindness. In medicine (my profession), one of the first things we are taught when examining a patient is that we must know what we are looking for: only then will we have a chance of finding it. Knowing it and knowing to look for it are very different things - imagine knowing to look for a needle without actually knowing what a needle is vs. knowing what a needle is and then looking for it. 

To me, who Daniel is today is both a reflection of the enormous effort on his own part, and also that of his parents - once again, the thoughtfulness and sacrifice of parents, and the examples they must have been - much of which I think many of us do not see, and will never understand.

.. and that sight, becomes this art.

How beautiful you are, how beautiful love is.

In your light I learn how to love. 

In your beauty, how to make poems. 

You dance inside my chest where no-one sees you, 

but sometimes I do,

 and that sight becomes this art.

- Rumi

MOMMIES!!

Here we were both giving a token gift to our mums to commemorate the joyous occasion.

"For mothers are the first educators, the first mentors; and truly it is the mothers who determine the happiness, the future greatness, the courteous ways and learning and judgement, the understanding and the faith of their little ones. " - Selections from the Writings of Abdu'l Baha

Daniel and I have known each other for a very long time. We are both very close to our families, and so, respectfully, we introduced each other to our families very early into our relationship. It was important to us that our family knew our special people. 

Much of our time together was also spent in our homes or our natural habitat (gym, school & various gardens, the last one being unwelcome territory to the big guy, who did not enjoy being sweaty outside the gym or having to walk more than functionally necessary after leg day). This resulted in our parents knowing us well, and seeing us grow both in unison and as individuals in the decade or so that we have known each other. 

Strangely enough, although we knew each other's families, and they knew us, our families had not really met much before our engagement. 

It was interesting to see though, how similar our mother's were even from a distance. We are one of the lucky ones - our mother's are pure of heart, innocent of malice, and doing everything they can with everything they know to make sure we are good, supported, loved and encouraged. Of course, nothing and no-one is perfect, but our mother's, without a doubt, put in 1001% of their effort it doing their best for us. They are our fervant supporters, never giving up on us even when we have given up on ourselves, and displaying genuine acts of sacrifice and selflessness in our upbringing; and they are the ones who tell us what we need to hear, the hard words no one else dares say, putting us in our place when it is needed, and teaching us the philosophies that have helped them greatly and brought peace & understanding in their own lives.  

Happy Mom's!! Women of Strength from L-R: D's Mom, M's Mom & Aunty Erzaan (M's mom's best friend)

I remember once, Daniel's mom took us both to the temple to speak to a very nice nun. She was giving us advice on our relationship and marriage, and also sharing some principles of Buddhism. At that point, Daniel mentioned how his mom made him recite the 'Heart Sutra' every day when he was a child; and I recall in my heart thanking her for making him do that. (I also smiled at the thought of little Daniel being made to recite a really long sutra in Chinese - he was a majorly cute kid :)

Interestingly enough, it was our mothers who saw right from the start our love for each other. I remember during lunch at his house many years ago, his mother telling him that she could see that I truly loved him. Similarly, when I was hospitalized, and Daniel came to visit me daily, my mom witnessed and affirmed the love that he had for me, and how happy he made me. She gave us her blessings in marriage long before marriage was even on the cards.

When they finally met, I was really nervous, but they actually got along pretty well. There was no drama and no airs, only kindness and compassion. They would care about each others dietary restrictions (one is Muslim, and the other Buddhist), and give positive encouragement in the fitting rooms - although we spent way too much time at Shanghai Tang. The pink cheongsam mom wears here is actually one that they bought together.

We wanted to do something very special for our mother's, to make the wedding day extra-special for them. It was really hard actually. We are usually creative with our solutions, but this time we felt nothing could truly measure up to represent the love, respect and gratitude we have for our mothers. In the end, we settled on jewelry, as token and a remembrance of this day - an elegant pair of garnet earrings for my mom and a beautiful jade and diamond pendant for his. In the same way that our wedding rings are anchors of this day for us, we hope that when they wear the gifts we got them, it brings them back to that beautiful day in Zurich, filled with so much love and laughter and unity, and they will remember the children who love them so much, that they could find nothing in this world to represent that love.

Thank you moms. We love you super much ♥