When I first met Daniel's dad, I was taken by how charming he was, and I saw immediately where Daniel gets his easy charm and cheeky smile from. His dad has always been kind to me, but the most precious thing is the advice he gave Daniel about choosing a wife - make sure she is kind.
When I was growing up, my mother often reminded me that in marriage, one marries not just the person, but the family. I agree with this concept broadly, but I like to believe that it is the impact or influence of our families on ourselves, and our actions following this interaction, that is more important, especially in contemporary times. In my curiosity to understand both his family and it's impact on him, I would ask him incessantly: about his childhood, the roles his parents played, what he learnt from them, and, very importantly, what they taught him about marriage. Consistently, they stressed the importance of kindness. Just make sure she is a kind person, I am told they would advise him. That, apparently, was the only criteria.
When I was growing up, my mother often reminded me that in marriage, one marries not just the person, but the family. I agree with this concept broadly, but I like to believe that it is the impact or influence of our families on ourselves, and our actions following this interaction, that is more important, especially in contemporary times. In my curiosity to understand both his family and it's impact on him, I would ask him incessantly: about his childhood, the roles his parents played, what he learnt from them, and, very importantly, what they taught him about marriage. Consistently, they stressed the importance of kindness. Just make sure she is a kind person, I am told they would advise him. That, apparently, was the only criteria.
I appreciate that Daniel values virtue - it gives me a sense of security, knowing that what we seek is a reflection of who we are or who we hope to become. In my experience with him, I would say when put between a rock and a hard place, his decision is always a principled one.
Most of all though, his appraisal of me both humbles and encourages me - that he is able to consistently see such goodness in me. It affirms these qualities in me, in a harsh world where people are always judging, criticizing and diminishing its presence and value. His testimony stands out against their harshness, and helps me through tough times, because he is the person who knows me better than any one else. It intrigues me too, how he must be looking at the world through the lens of kindness. In medicine (my profession), one of the first things we are taught when examining a patient is that we must know what we are looking for: only then will we have a chance of finding it. Knowing it and knowing to look for it are very different things - imagine knowing to look for a needle without actually knowing what a needle is vs. knowing what a needle is and then looking for it.
To me, who Daniel is today is both a reflection of the enormous effort on his own part, and also that of his parents - once again, the thoughtfulness and sacrifice of parents, and the examples they must have been - much of which I think many of us do not see, and will never understand.
No comments:
Post a Comment